The Desperate Prayer: What if I Didn’t Praise God in the Storm?

This article has been updated and is an adaptation from a chapter in 18 Weeks to a Healthier, Happier, More Purposeful Life. This unique book was written by Lacy Ngo, a dietitian nationally recognized as a top expert in faith-based mindfulness and evidence-based nutrition. She shares the exact steps that, based on science, produce the most dramatic health and weight loss success in her book, 18 Weeks to a Healthier, Happier, More Purposeful Life. This book is like nothing you have ever seen before. It combines faith and science. Both are crucial when it comes to producing real change because real change involves the mind, body, and spirit. 

18 weeks to a healthier, happier, more purposeful life cover

Before the Desperate Prayer

“I love you, God….”were the words that randomly pop in my head…except replace the word love with hate and you get what I actually thought. I still can’t bring myself to write it out. I never said those terrible words out loud. Even the thoughts I controlled were things like, “I love you, I trust you” and any other words I thought would “convince” God to heal my 8 year old son. I thought perhaps I could say the “right” things to MAKE God listen and intervene. We are suppose to praise God in the storm, right? But what happens if one day, you don’t praise God in the storm? This is a true story about a time when I prayed a desperate prayer, and how God answered.

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The Desperate Prayer

“I am So Sorry for My Thoughts, God”

I was eating breakfast that day those awful thoughts swiftly and briefly passed through my head. As soon as those words ran through in my head, I immediately panicked and said, “I didn’t mean that, and I am so sorry God. I DO love you.” And I was telling the truth. I did truly love God. In fact, I loved God so much that it hurt. In truth, I would not have been so upset with God if I didn’t love God soooo much. You know, we get more upset when we feel like the ones we love have abandoned us. I don’t feel nearly as hurt when a stranger does something I dislike, but when a loved one disappoints me…it’s painful.

Basically, I was being a child and having a temper tantrum with my parent. If you are a parent, you have probably heard at least one of your children say, “I hate you.” I know I have heard it a couple of times. When my kids have yelled these words at me, I always knew they loved me. I knew that what my child was really saying was,  ‘I am angry and in pain.’ Although I will never stop feeling guilty for thinking those words, I know that in reality I was literally a child lashing out at my parent.

More Thoughts Ran Through My Head…

Quite honestly, those thoughts in my head scared me. I started thinking, “I really don’t want to make God cross with me so I better make sure I am saying pleasing things. I mean, look at all the pain I’m already going through. What more is God going to do to me now that I had this awful thought?!?!”

Please Heal Him

You see my perfectly healthy son developed a medical condition called Bronchiectasis. We battled this illness for 2 years until the doctors decided it was time to remove a lobe of my son’s lung. This surgery would hopefully cure my son’s bronchiectasis. We had the surgery in August of 2017. September was wonderful. My son played soccer and played like he had never had bronchiectasis.

Then in October, he developed a completely unrelated disease called HSP. HSP or Henoch-Schonlein purpura is a disease involving inflammation of small blood vessels. The inflammation causes blood vessels in the skin, intestines, kidneys, and joints to start leaking. My son’s hands and feet swelled and they HURT so badly that he needed to ride in a wheel chair to get to the doctor’s office. He also had bruises all over his feet and legs, and he had to get his kidneys checked regularly.

The scariest thing for me is that this disease could last for as little as 8 weeks to as long as several YEARS, and could potentially cause permanent damage. I just felt like I couldn’t take ANOTHER several years of battling yet ANOTHER condition. My son had just gotten through one, 2 year battle, now he has to go through another?!?! Why is this happening again, I thought?!?!

What Am I Doing Wrong?

It felt like God wanted my son to have a life long condition. It seemed like God was mad at us for trying to get rid of one problem so God gave my son another disease. As if God was saying, ‘Well if you take the bronchiectasis away, then I will just give your son something else.’ I kept thinking, ‘WHAT was I doing wrong? Was God punishing us or attacking my son?’ Yet even as I lacked trust in God, God seemed to never abandon me. I kept having these “goose-bump” experiences that gave me glimmers of hope.

When my son had bronchiectasis, I felt God’s amazing, awe-inspiring love, support and presence. You can read about that awesome experience here.

I Didn’t Put my Trust in God

You would think that I would have had more faith and trust after the bronchiectasis God moment…but I didn’t.

I was so terrified again…and yet again I had another experience that gave me a glimmer of hope.

You see, the day I was so mad during breakfast wasn’t my rock bottom. I was angry, but I still had faith and hope. I still continued to pray for God’s help. It wasn’t until a few days later that I felt like I was losing my ability to cope and function.

The Desperate Prayer

That night I prayed one of the most desperate prayers I had ever prayed. My children had just fallen asleep so I crept into the hallway near them and prayed with desperation and fear. I told God how I was feeling, and I cried, telling God that the pain and stress were just too much. I was not only worried about my son’s physical health, but also his emotional health as well. My son, who had handled the first condition with resilience, had started randomly saying, “I feel sad and I don’t know why.” Well I knew why. Being sick again was taking it’s toll on him.

During this desperate prayer, I talked to God about all of this. I was raw and honest with God about how I was feeling. After I had prayed this fox hole prayer, I went into my son’s room and prayed over him while he slept.

I finally cried myself to sleep…

After the Desperate Prayer

Do you know the next morning my son’s bruises looked even worse! It was Sunday; yet another Sunday we wouldn’t make it to church. We hadn’t been to church in a month because of this painful disease.

By Sunday night, I was a wreck. I was not only angry, but I felt this shift in my faith and not in a good way. Feeling hopeless, I texted my friend. I told her I don’t think asking God for help does anything so I am going to quit asking.

I still loved God, but I didn’t think God was going to help us. Although, I had given up on God for help, God had not given up on me.

God Can Find Ways to Speak to Us

That faithful night I had pleaded to God to listen and answer me, and yet at the same time I didn’t make it easy for God to speak to me. Remember, I hadn’t been to church in a month due to this disease. I also had finished my devotional about 2 months earlier and hadn’t picked out another one yet. In the past, when I was going through something, either a sermon, a devotional or a Bible verse seemed to somehow speak about exactly what I was going through. In other words, when I was actively seeking God, God always seemed to communicate.

But I currently wasn’t reading or listening to anything about God…until that Tuesday.

A Little Background

A while back I had purchased these conversation starter cards as a Christmas present for my children. I always give my children a Christmas present around Thanksgiving. The gift usually has Christmas pjs, a Christmas movie, or Christmas books that the kids can enjoy during the season. I figure, if you wait until Christmas to give these kinds of gifts then they won’t get to enjoy them during the Christmas season.

I planned on putting these conversation cards into this Thanksgiving/Christmas present. One pack was called the The Art of Children’s Conversation and the other set was “The Art of Christian Conversation” starter questions. I love doing children’s devotionals with my family, and we had done similar conversation cards together before.  These cards were able to get my children talking and thinking about how they felt. I write about how these cards started amazing talks with my children in this post.

God Does Listen and Answer Our Desperate Prayers

On Tuesday these Christian conversation cards came in the mail. My son was stuck in bed so I decided to give this Thanksgiving present a little early. We opened the present that Tuesday night. We decided to try one of the Christian conversation cards right away.

The first cards we grabbed said, “Have you ever prayed a foxhole prayer like the one Jonah prayed in Jonah 2:1?”

Although I had heard the term before, I decided to look up the actual definition of fox hole prayer. This is what I read: A fox hole prayer is a prayer you pray in utter desperation and fear like soldiers have prayed in the fox hole during war.

I was speechless! ‘What?!?! I just prayed this fox hole prayer, and I am currently struggling with the results of THIS desperate prayer.  Because I felt like God was not answering my fox hole prayer, my doubts and fears were overwhelming me!’

Then my next thought was, ‘I wonder what the fox hole prayer was in Jonah 2:1.?”

I frantically looked up Jonah 2:1 which read, “From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the Lord his God. He said: In my distress I called to the Lord and He answered me. From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help, and You listened to my cry.”

I can barely describe what I was feeling when I read those words, but the first words that comes to mind is utter relief.

Let Me Just Recap for a Moment.

I prayed a fox hole prayer and “in my distress I called to the Lord.” By Sunday night I had decided God wouldn’t answer me. Then the next Bible verse I randomly read was about how God listened and answered Jonah’s distressed “fox hole prayer!”

I was humbled, ashamed, relieved, and encouraged all at once. I doubted that God would answer my fox hole prayer and then I felt like God said, “I will answer and I am answering your fox hole prayer.”

How could it be that the first scripture I had looked up in a month was THIS!

Even When I Fail, God Doesn’t Leave Me

God shows me over and over…and over that God is listening and answering. How quickly I doubt over and over..and over. You know what amazes me the most? God stays by my side even when I don’t deserve it, and God continues to show me love and devotion. God continues to guide me and comfort me no matter how many times I fail. What a comfort to know that whether I say the right things or wrong things, God still loves and leads. Whether I trust God or doubt, God is still comforting me. Again, I go back to the parent/child relationship. Even when our children mess up, we continue to love, comfort, and help our children. Looks like God really does do the same for us.

When my son was first diagnosed with HSP, I tried to pray the “right” things to MAKE God love me, listen to me, and help me. Turns out, even when I said the wrong things, I couldn’t MAKE God STOP loving me, listening to me, or helping me.

Whew, what a relief because although I will continue to try to do what God wants, I KNOW I will continue to fail over and over. I will be selfish sometimes; I will lack trust sometimes; and I will be quick to anger sometimes. And sometimes… I won’t praise God in the storm, but GOD IS CONSTANT.

Update: My son’s HSP has been in remission for 5 months now. Many times HSP never comes back.

About Mindfulness in Faith and Food, LLC

Mindfulness in Faith and Food, LLC focuses on how to live your healthiest, happiest, most meaningful life through faith-based mindfulness and evidence-based nutrition.
Several branches fall under the Mindfulness in Faith and Food, LLC umbrella. One is Mindful Vending, which is one of the few dietitian owned and operated vending companies in the nation! Ngo is also the author of several books including Faith, Mindfulness, & Nutrition, Mindfulness in Faith and Freezer Meals and The Nourishing Meal Builder. You can also find evidence-based nutrition articles, recipes, convenient healthy snack lists, inspiring faith stories, and faith-based mindfulness techniques on her blog, Mindfulness in Faith and Food.

The Nourishing Meal Builder
Create anti-anxiety, anti-inflammatory, mood boosting, immune supportive meals that reduce the risk of chronic disease and promote cognitive function, focus, attention, and memory.

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God Moments: Did That Just Happen!

Seeing God’s Presence Today

Signs, Miracles, and "Winks" from God; An Amazing story about God's Presence today
Signs, Miracles, and “Winks” from God; An Amazing story about God’s Presence today

Mindfulness can help us stop to notice God’s presence in our lives, but sometimes God does something so cool that we notice even when we are not being particularly mindful. This is one of those experiences. Read until the end because the end is the best part!

Disclosure: This site may provide affiliate links (See full disclosure)

This article has been updated and is an adaptation from a story in 18 Weeks to a Healthier, Happier, More Purposeful Life. This unique book was written by Lacy Ngo, a dietitian nationally recognized as a top expert in faith-based mindfulness and evidence-based nutrition. She shares the exact steps that, based on science, produce the most dramatic health and weight loss success in her book, 18 Weeks to a Healthier, Happier, More Purposeful Life. This book is like nothing you have ever seen before. It combines faith and science. Both are crucial when it comes to producing real change because real change involves the mind, body, and spirit. This is an adaption from a story in the book, 18 Weeks to a Healthier, Happier, More Purposeful Life.

18 weeks to a healthier, happier, more purposeful life cover

How It All Started

About a year and a half ago, my then six year-old son took an ambulance ride from urgent care to the hospital. Before that ride, he had been on antibiotics but just kept getting sicker. When we arrived at the ER, the doctors diagnosed him with Pneumonia and admitted him to the hospital for five days. After being released, he just couldn’t get rid of that cough and kept getting fevers about every two to three weeks. An X-ray showed that he had a collapsed lung from all these lung issues. They released my son from the hospital in December. It was now June, and he was still coughing, struggling to breathe when he ran, getting tired easily, and getting frequent fevers. He had taken so many antibiotics that I had lost count. He had been put to sleep twice for minor lung procedures.

In June, the doctors decided to get a CT scan to see if he had a condition called Bronchiectasis. The CT scan confirmed he had this condition, which is defined as abnormal widening of the bronchi or their branches, causing a risk of infection. I had never heard of it so, of course, I looked it up online. The things I read terrified me. I was not handling the diagnosis well. I was walking around constantly on the verge of crying, but trying to seem cheerful for my children. Many nights I would pray and let out all of my pent up tears. I was scared of what this meant for my son. I can’t even bring myself to type all of the worries I was feeling. If you are a parent you can probably imagine the fears going through my head.

I Wanted to Cancel

The very same week that I learned of the diagnosis, I wanted to shut myself off from everyone, but our church book club was suppose to meet at MY HOUSE! I came inches from canceling. Most of the book club regulars were not able to come, so I started thinking no one is going to show up anyway. But then a new girl sent me an emailed saying that she would like to come and bring two of her friends. I didn’t want to cancel when new people had expressed interest, so I decided to push through. The funny thing is the new girl who had originally expressed interest was unable to attend, but the two friends she had mentioned in her email did come. These two girls, who only attended this one time, probably didn’t know what they were walking into. I was unorganized and monopolized the whole conversation. I ended up pouring all my emotions out to these brand new people. They were such patient listeners, and although I don’t know if they got much out of book club, I felt much better after that night.

Life Went On…

After that night, life went on. The doctors were trying all kinds of treatments. My son was now on continuous antibiotics three times a week and doing 30-minute treatments twice a day.

Below is a picture of the breathing treatments my son was doing twice a day.

My son was now going to doctors in Rock Hill, Charlotte, and Chapel Hill. Before I knew it, a year had gone by since receiving that initial diagnosis and pouring my heart out to those random new girls at book club.

Can I Ask You A Weird Question?

The doctors decided it was time to talk about having a surgery to remove the damaged lobe of his lung. The doctor gave us a list of surgeons, so I began to go down the list, making calls. I called the first office on the list to set up a consultation with a surgeon in Charlotte, NC. I started talking to the receptionist. She started asking basic questions like, “What is the appointment for?,” and “What is your home address?.” Then she paused and says, “Can I ask you a weird question?” I’m thinking, ‘What in the world is she going to ask me’, but all I said was “Okay.”  She then says, “Do you happen to have a book club with St. John’s?” Shocked and confused, I replied, “Yes!” She then exclaimed, “I think I have been to your house!” When I was answering her questions over the phone, she remembered hearing a similar story a year earlier at this book club she had attended once. She then realized she recognized the address I had just given her. She figured out that she and her friend, who also works in the same office, (you know, that other new girl) had been to my house the week my son had been diagnosed a year ago!

Knowing that people at the surgeon’s office knew our story and had known our story since the diagnosis was such a comfort to me.

God’s Plan to Bring Comfort and Guidance was Put into Action a Year Earlier

You know what else? I thought to myself, ‘wow, when I was walking around terrified and wishing I would feel God’s presence, God was right there’. I felt like God was giving me comfort on that book club night. Little did I know, that same book club social would give me comfort not only that very night but also a year later. Did God somehow help me cross paths with these ladies right when my son was diagnosed? Did God know this journey would lead to a big surgery way back then? (Of course God did!) Many of us have learned that God knows all, our past and our future, but to truly witness this was humbling. This experience made me feel like God was  giving me a warm hug. I could feel God’s Presence and realized just how present God had been the whole time. As, I processed this, the tears began running down my face and chills began running up my arm.

Today my son is doing well. The surgery was a success! We continue to praise God for warm hugs, comfort, and guidance.

Do you have any stories about experiencing God’s presence, comfort, or guidance?

Please share any of your stories in the comments below. I love these stories!

If you are looking for good books about people experiencing God’s presence in their lives, two of my favorites are  The Narrow Road: Stories of Those Who Walk This Road Together (International Adventures) and Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World:


Want More God Moment Stories? Check these Out

God Moments: We Prayed and Then This Happened!

God Follows Through

 We Chose the Same Picture

I Was So Afraid

God Moments: We Ran Out of Gas

About Mindfulness in Faith and Food, LLC & Lacy Ngo MS, RDN

About Lacy Ngo, MS, RDN and Mindfulness in Faith and Food, LLC

Mindfulness in Faith and Food, LLC focuses on how to live your healthiest, happiest, most meaningful life through faith-based mindfulness and evidence-based nutrition.
Several branches fall under the Mindfulness in Faith and Food, LLC umbrella. One is Mindful Vending, which is one of the few dietitian owned and operated vending companies in the nation!

Ngo is also a top expert in faith-based mindfulness and nutrition and is the author of several books including Faith, Mindfulness, & NutritionMindfulness in Faith and Freezer Meals and The Nourishing Meal Builder. You can also find evidence-based nutrition articles, recipes, convenient healthy snack lists, inspiring faith stories, and faith-based mindfulness techniques on her blog, Mindfulness in Faith and Food.

Copyright © 2017 Mindfulness in Faith and Food.

You are free to retain any and all content here for personal use, but need permission to use it anywhere else on the internet.

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